They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
