This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
