so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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