Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i drank out of a bidet.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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