I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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