thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
