He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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