What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
