Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
