And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
