He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
