Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
