Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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