I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
