So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
