Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
