he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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