thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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