I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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