It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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