So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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