Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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