I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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