I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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