He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
