how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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