I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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