Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
