Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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