yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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