sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
