I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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