Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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