So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
