hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I came so hard my ears popped.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
