i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
