Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
