I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
