I wish I could teleport
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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