We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
