We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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