He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
