I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
