we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
