So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
