I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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