I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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