Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
