I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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