Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
