Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
