That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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